Reframing Behaviour: Seeing Beyond Meltdowns and Anxiety
(With practical tips for parents to change chaos into calm)
Parenting or working with children who exhibit challenging behaviours can feel overwhelming. A meltdown in the supermarket, refusal to engage in tasks, or sudden bursts of anger can often leave adults feeling helpless and frustrated.
However, by reframing our understanding of behaviour, we can begin to see these moments not as misbehaviour, but as powerful expressions of unmet emotional needs.
Behaviour as Communication
Every behaviour is a form of communication. When a child struggles to articulate their thoughts and feelings verbally, their behaviour becomes their language. By shifting our perspective, we move from seeing behaviours as problems to be fixed to viewing them as opportunities to connect, understand, and support.
This approach not only fosters stronger relationships but also empowers children to develop tools for self-regulation and emotional well-being.
Understanding the Emotional Drivers Behind Behaviour
Challenging behaviours often stem from feelings of overwhelm, fear, confusion, or frustration. For neurodiverse children or those with additional needs, sensory processing difficulties, social pressures, and a lack of emotional vocabulary can exacerbate these feelings.
For instance:
● A child experiencing anxiety about a new situation may lash out or withdraw.
● A child overstimulated by noise and light might have a meltdown in response to what seems, to us, like a minor trigger.
These reactions are not deliberate acts of defiance; they are a child’s way of expressing discomfort or seeking safety.
To support children effectively, we need to look beyond the surface of the behaviour and ask, What is this child trying to tell me? This compassionate inquiry allows us to identify their underlying needs; whether it’s connection, reassurance, or regulation.
The Role of Therapeutic Art in Emotional Expression
Art is a powerful tool for helping children express emotions they cannot put into words. Through drawing, painting, or sculpting, children can externalise their feelings, creating a safe space for self-expression.
Therapeutic art allows children to explore their inner world without fear of judgment, making it particularly effective for those who struggle with verbal communication.
For example, a child dealing with anxiety might create an image of what their worry feels like. This externalisation can reduce the intensity of their feelings, as they no longer feel trapped by them.
At Mind Full of Art, we specialise in using therapeutic art to help children navigate their emotions. By combining creativity with mindful techniques, we provide a nurturing environment where children can explore their feelings, build resilience, and develop self-awareness. Learn more about our approach here.
Mindfulness as a Path to Regulation
Mindfulness involves paying attention to the present moment with curiosity and kindness. For children, this might mean tuning into their senses, noticing their breath, or focusing on a simple, grounding activity.
Practical mindfulness activities for children include:
● The Glitter Jar: Fill a jar with water, glitter, and glue. Shake it up and watch as the glitter settles, encouraging deep breaths and visualising thoughts settling too.
● Five Senses Exercise: Ask the child to name five things they see, four they touch, three they hear, two they smell, and one they taste. This activity grounds them in the present moment.
● Breathing Buddies: Have the child lie down with a small soft toy on their tummy. Encourage deep breathing as they watch the toy rise and fall.
The Power of Breathwork
Breathwork is a simple yet transformative tool for helping children regulate their emotions. When a child is upset, their breathing often becomes shallow and rapid, which can exacerbate feelings of anxiety or anger. Teaching slow, deep breathing activates the parasympathetic nervous system, calming the body and mind.
Child-friendly breathwork techniques:
● Balloon Breathing: Imagine inflating a balloon in the belly. Inhale deeply through the nose and exhale slowly through the mouth.
● Smell the Flower, Blow Out the Candle: Pretend to smell a flower (inhale through the nose) and then blow out a candle (exhale through the mouth).
● Square Breathing: Breathe in for four counts, hold for four, exhale for four, and pause for four. Drawing a square in the air can make this more engaging.
Guided Relaxation for Emotional Calm
Guided relaxation uses visualisation and soothing language to help children achieve a state of calm. It’s particularly effective for children who struggle to wind down or who carry a lot of tension in their bodies.
A simple guided relaxation:
“Close your eyes and imagine you are lying on a soft, warm cloud. Feel the cloud supporting your body, gently rocking you as the wind carries you along. Look around and notice the colours in the sky. Take a deep breath in, filling your lungs with fresh air, and exhale slowly, letting go of any worries. Stay here on your cloud, feeling calm and safe.”
Guided relaxation not only helps children in the moment but also equips them with a strategy they can use independently when feeling overwhelmed.
Supporting Parents and Caregivers
Understanding and supporting a child with challenging behaviours can take a toll on parents and caregivers. That’s why having a supportive community is essential.
The Therapeutic Couch is a dedicated group for parents of neurodiverse children and those with additional needs. It offers a safe space to share experiences, access resources, and gain practical strategies for parenting. Join us and find your community here.
Creating a Culture of Compassion
Reframing behaviour requires patience, empathy, and a commitment to seeing the whole child. It involves moving beyond snap judgments and reactive discipline and instead asking:
● What is this child trying to tell me?
● What emotional needs are going unmet?
● How can I create an environment that feels safe and supportive?
By incorporating tools like therapeutic art, mindfulness, breathwork, and guided relaxation into a child’s routine, we can make a profound difference. These practices help children regulate their emotions, build confidence, and develop resilience over time.
By choosing to see beyond meltdowns and anxiety, we open the door to deeper connection and understanding. Together, we can help children feel seen, heard, and supported, empowering them to thrive in their unique way.